The Food Police

Since I started Weight Watchers, I have heard so many people say that they haven't told any of their family or friends that they have joined. Their rationale is that they don't want everyone breathing down their neck about their progress. I could never really understand how someone could vow to make a lifetime change in their eating habits and not tell those around them. It's so much easier to have your family know, so that they can look out for you on holidays and family gatherings, making sure that there are good options for you and your weight loss program.

But I now know the real reason why they don't want to tell their friends and family. They are afraid of the Food Police.

Members of the Food Police can be anyone. You may not even realize that a person is a Food Police officer until a sticky situation arises and their true colors shine through. Food Police officers could be your spouse, your parent, your child or your best friend. You never quite know who they are or when they're going to strike.

Food Police officers make it their duty to call you on any questionable food decision you make. Having a piece of cake? Pull over to the side of the road ma'am. Eating full fat dressing on your salad? Can I see your license and registration? Having seconds of something at dinner? Could you please step out of the vehicle?

You see, for reasons no one can quite put their finger on, these Food Police officers have made it their mission in life to make sure that you succeed in your weight loss goals. Oh, they won't be there to walk beside you on the treadmill or run in the mornings with you. They won't spot you on the weight bench, and they definitely won't go to step aerobics with you. But they will call into question any morsel of food that goes in your mouth that was not grown in a garden somewhere.

Some people don't realize how the Weight Watchers plan works. It's not about deprivation and only eating certain foods. If you want cake on Weight Watchers, you have the stinkin' cake, count your points for it, and move on. The plan works so much better than its other counterparts because of the daily living factor. This is a plan that you could see making a part of your daily routine for the rest of your life. A lot of people don't understand how you can be dieting and still have a piece of cake. It totally blows their minds.

I would like to say that ignorance of how the plan works is what creates Food Police officers, but that's simply not the case. You can tell these people all about the plan until you feel like a personal spokesman for Weight Watchers, and it doesn't make a bit of difference. In fact, they will change their tactics to reflect that they have some knowledge of the program, such as "How many points is that ice cream sandwich?"

It may be a little easier taking a shaming from the Food Police if these people were shining examples of healthy living. More often than not, though, this is not the case. These are the people who will berate you for taking a slice of case that is about one eighth the size of the chunk on their own plate. Or they will call into question your desire to have a margarita after they've just inhaled four beers. Sometimes, they shame you for ordering fries at the drive thru, while eating a double cheeseburger, a super sized fries, a full sugar drink and an order of chicken nuggets.

So what makes someone a Food Police officer? It's hard to say. Some people think that it's because they feel threatened by your own weight loss process. Others think that it happens because they don't want to be the only person not losing weight. Perhaps it's because they're just mean, vicious people. No one really knows for certain.

It's hard to have anyone call your eating habits into question when you're overweight. It's even harder to handle it when it's coming from someone who is just as bad off, if not worse, than you are. You want to grab the closest mirror, hold it up in front of them, and scream "Take your own advice!" But much like the cop who writes tickets all day long for speeding, then hops in his car and goes 75 mph all the way home, these Food Police officers adhere to a strict policy of "Do as I say, not as I do." Or as one officer told me, "Well, I'm not the one trying to lose weight."

So when you happen upon a Food Police officer who calls into question what you are about to eat, close your eyes and slowly count to ten. Then open your eyes, fix them right on the officer and say as firmly as you can, "I've lost x amount of pounds doing this program. I know how to do it. I know what I'm doing. Now back the hell off."

And if that doesn't work, just kick them in the shins and use your new, svelte body to run like hell.